Dating Outside the Box: A Look at the Pros and Cons of Online Dating
By Meredith Teasley
“I’ll never say I met my husband online!”
Never say never, because of course those famous words came back to haunt me!
I proudly contended that eHarmony was outright weird—great for you, not for me. After wrestling with plenty of my own issues, I realized that God could certainly use online dating to bring prince charming my way . . . if, of course, that’s what He had planned.
If you’re considering online dating, don’t take it lightly. Check your motives. Are you ready for a relationship? Do you know what you’re looking for in a husband? Are you healed from any past hurts? I questioned, “Wouldn’t God just send me my husband or let me meet him in person?” Deep down, I knew God was asking me to relinquish my fear of what others might think if I met my husband online. It was time to check my pride at the door.
I chose eHarmony for its commitment to Christian values, and the ability to remain very selective—from distance and age, all the way down to specific Christian denominations. From my experience, here are some things to consider:
THE PROS:
*Searching outside the box. If you live in a rural area, find yourself with crazy work hours, or face other barriers to meeting a God-fearing man, you may need an option that removes the limitations of your schedule, location, or job. When I joined eHarmony, I served full time on church staff and surrounded myself with kids and their parents every Sunday. With my busy schedule, it finally just made sense to try eHarmony.
*Selectivity. Enjoy being picky! Personal interests, how someone spends free time, and even how often he mentions a commitment to Christ and the church can give great insight into his character. Don’t be afraid to remain very selective, but at the same time keep an open mind. I never dreamed my future husband would live 3,000 miles away.
*Communication. You can build strong communication early and often. Nic just reminded me that we were discussing our theological views by our third email. Even if that’s not your style, online dating allows you to discuss big issues early, to make sure the non-negotiables are there, and to find any red flags before you’ve invested tons of time and energy.
THE CONS:
*The money. For months, I refused to pay for an online dating service, thinking it was silly. Sure, it costs a modest fee (about the price of a couple of movies a month), but keep an eye out for deals and discounts along the way. Also, since eHarmony allows you to view matches for free, you’ll run into guys who have not paid for the service. While you may be interested in them, do not be discouraged since they can’t communicate with you through eHarmony unless they’ve subscribed.
*You have to pick and choose. So do they. Just like you might reject a blind date offer, you won’t like every match. You may sift through and reject quite a few before you find Mr. Right. This can often be the not-so-fun part of online dating, but just remember some matches will reject you as well. It’s all part of the process!
*It can take a while—or be the means to another end. Don’t put all your eggs in the online dating basket, and remember God can use many other means. It’s easy to get discouraged after hearing success stories and waiting, waiting, waiting. But be patient! Some experts advise giving a year or more to any online dating program. And, in the end, your prince charming might just show up at church, at work, or by means of a mutual friend.
TIPS FOR THE JOURNEY:
*Leave the stigma behind. While it’s not traditional, don’t let the any preconceived notions of online dating haunt you.
*Plan ahead. Will you let him pursue, or will you initiate communication? It’s OK to let him pursue. You’ll know if he’s interested!
*Be accountable. My mentor proved to be one of God’s greatest blessings during the process! An older Christian woman can give advice, help you ask the right questions, keep your motives in check, and provide great accountability if a dating relationship emerges.
*Pray, pray, pray. Keep Christ at the center of every pursuit, cling to the promises of God’s Word, and trust the Holy Spirit’s guidance at every step.
Meredith May Teasley married her favorite eHarmany match, Nic, in September. They reside in Nashville, Tennessee where Meredith serves as a specialist, recruiter, camp director, and blogger with CentriKid Camps, a ministry of LifeWay Christian Resources. You can email Meredith directly at meredithteasley@gmail.com.
I proudly contended that eHarmony was outright weird—great for you, not for me. After wrestling with plenty of my own issues, I realized that God could certainly use online dating to bring prince charming my way . . . if, of course, that’s what He had planned.
and even how often he mentions a commitment to Christ and the church can give great insight into his character. Don’t be afraid to remain very selective, but at the same time keep an open mind. I never dreamed my future husband would live 3,000 miles away.
Meredith May Teasley married her favorite eHarmany match, Nic, in September. They reside in Nashville, Tennessee where Meredith serves as a specialist, recruiter, camp director, and blogger with CentriKid Camps, a ministry of LifeWay Christian Resources. You can email Meredith directly at meredithteasley@gmail.com.
