Single and Content? You Have Got to be Kidding! By Liz Lockwood Discontentment came to a peak in my life a little over three years ago. It was my 26th birthday, and I was angry with God. I remember the road I was driving down and how the sky was overcast. I remember how tightly my knuckles were gripping the steering wheel, and to my shame I remember how angry I was at the realization that my life simply was not turning out the way I wanted.
I was supposed to be married by now. I was supposed to be planning for children with my husband, and I was supposed to be learning how to make casseroles and curtains. Checking the “single” box at this point in my life was not part of the plan. I had a secret anger brewing in me that was spinning out of control. It was so subtle that I did not even recognize how it was affecting my life.
Arguably, one of the most quoted passages to a young, single woman is Psalm 37:4, which states, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” In unbelief, I found myself questioning the truth of this verse. It just didn’t make sense anymore. I thought that I had spent my whole life delighting in the Lord. I went to church every chance I got and had even gone overseas to share the gospel. How else could I possibly prove to God that I find my delight in Him?
It was in pondering these things that I realized I had an issue with control. At my core, I was struggling with the fact that it is the Lord who directs my steps and plans my life—not me (Prov. 16:9). We are never promised a future that is familiar. The command to trust Him extends to the deep places where it is difficult to relinquish control. My journey in contentment began with the recognition that I did not trust God with my singleness. It is at that point that I hung my head in absolute shame.
I wish I could say that the struggle found its birth and death in that one day. But over the past few years, I have found myself in a continuous battle of laying down my own plans and trusting in what the Lord has willed for this season of my life. While there is certainly no magic formula to overcome this battle of contentment, I have found a few things helpful in my own journey of single living:
* Honesty before the Lord
It is easy to fool others into thinking that you have the single life all figured out, complete with contentment and absolute fulfillment. Remember, the Lord knows your heart and thoughts. It is wise to be honest with Him and to pray through this struggle regularly.
* Very open accountability
True accountability means that we lay our thoughts, sins, and struggles out to another for the purpose of sanctification. This should be reflective of what you have already taken to the Lord in prayer. Do not be afraid to be honest with close friends about your struggle with singleness. Sometimes, the most freeing thing I do is to call one of my closest friends and say, “Hey, I just need you to know that I am really struggling with being single today.” It might feel awkward, but the encouragement you will receive is well worth any embarrassment you might feel.
* Purposeful thinking and entertainment
There is nothing wrong with a good romantic comedy every now and then. However, these movies can be dangerous for a female struggling with her singleness. Be very aware of letting yourself daydream about “Mr. Wonderful.” Know the areas you struggle with and the times when you are vulnerable; then fill that time slot with something productive. Don’t wallow in self-pity. Instead, focus your attention on those around you.
So, is contentment a true possibility? I have found that the answer to that question lies in the same place as where my faith lies. Relinquish the control of your life if you really want to be free—I promise it is worth every effort you put into it.
Liz Lockwood (MDiv, ThM) resides in Charleston, South Carolina, where she serves as the Adult Ministry Associate at East Cooper Baptist Church.
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